BLUR

everything right now is a BLUR.. I can't describe the hurts that build up inside of me.. the way i feel can no longer be defined... and i can't be hurt any longer.. this year 2009 has been such a DRAGG to me.. every month since the beginning of this new year.. there was always something new that just brings me down.. i'm starting to lose it.. i cant do this.. i don't know when all this is going to end.. I dont know how to cope with all this.. I JUST DON'T KNOW. i dont know who to turn to anymore.. i dont know who to trust.. i dont know any thing at all

All i know is, i lost my grandpa... it still hasn't processed that he's really gone.. because i haven't seen his actual body yet.. It's all talk to me right now.. but God only knows that when i get to the philippines It's going to be crucial.. it's going to hit me hard.. Its 3:39am.. everyone i want to talk to is sleeping.. everyone that i want to see.. i can't see them... I can't sleep.. Im crying.. im hurting.. I keep staring out into space thinking of nothing

I miss my grandpa.. I love him so much.. It was 2 weeks ago before he left to the philippines i told him.. "bye tatang have fun. love you" and i gave him a kiss... if I only knew that that was the last GoodBye i would say to him.. i woulda held him tight and never have let him go on the plane.. Im not even looking forward to go to the philippines.. cause then its looking forward to a day that adds on to the HURTING list.

These next 2-3 weeks is going to be crucial.. Maybe God set this up for me.. cause he knows I need this.. I need to see my family ALL TOGETHER for the LAST TIME.. maybe he's trying to show me that my family is here for me.. here for EACH OTHER.. and thats all I really need.. things are going to definetly change as i turn 17.. my 2 grandfathers are both up there in heaven.. i can't really speak of my mom's dad cause i never met him.. but my grandfather on my dad's side.. he was the best PERSON ever!.. always smiling.. when you would call his name he would just say "na" and smile.. seeing him smile made me smile.. my grandfather was a one of a kind.. not no typical grandpa that just sat around waiting for time to pass by.. my grandfather loved to plant.. in the summer days i would wake up at 3 in the afternoon.. and go out side feeling BAD because i didn't open the door for my grandfather cause he was outside the whole time.. making a garden in my backyard... he also loved to bike.. infact he must have bought more than 10 bikes his whole life time... LOL cause everytime he would go grocery he would leave his bike.. sometimes forgetting to lock it.. and what happend? YES THE GHETTO NEIGHBOURHOOD HAD TO GO ROB MY TATANG.. LOL.. but regardless.. he came back with a smile.. maybe he was mad inside.. but he was one to laugh it out.. and his 9 toes STORY.. LOL if your close to me.. you would know EXACTLY what im talking about.. and what else.. HIS FOOD.. hooly smokes.. he didn't have the tasting sense.. which amazed me becasue.. a big part of being a good cook.. is the taste right?.. but HE LOST HIS TASTING SENSE.. but still MANAGED TO BE A GREAT COOK.. as many of our family friends know.. they would buy a lot of food from him, food that he made... theres so many more to say about my grandpa.. but i'd be here forever.. i jsut want to state the fact that he's the BEST GRANDPA EVER! I Love him and I'm proud to be his grandchild.. He will still and always WILL be the top 2 MEN IN MY LIFE (the other is my dad)..

But anyways...

GOD BLESS TO EVERYONE ESPECIALLY THE GOROSPE FAMILY IN CANADA, PHILIPPINES, HAWAII.. God bless to those who keep him in his prayers and to those who pray for us.. God bless my cousins for we have lost our grandpa.. God bless my aunties and uncles for they have lost their father/father in-law.. God bless my Papa's and Mama's for they have lost their brother... God bless the WHOLE GOROSPE CLAN.. for we have lost a great person.. God Bless the family friends who are too effected by this...


Please guys. Pray for us. Pray for me. As Nicholas Gorospe's family.. tries to get by this hard time


I LOVE YOU & MISS YOU TATANG.
REST IN PEACE
MARCH 18, 2009

:(

R.I.P NICHOLAS GOROSPE 'TATANG'
my Grandpa!
LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU ALWAYS :'(

off to the philly sooon

=(

mommy and broski are gone for a month :( ..
i'm sad real sad.. i need some love..
SOMEBODY LOVE ME! haha..
WELL, on the other handdd.. you know what that means... ;)

YA STILL LOVE ME?